I’m jingling all the way with my new candy cane tablet clutch

hat_santa on bearNothing says Christmas Spirit like: ugly Christmas sweaters, garish decorations crammed from one corner of the house to the other, double-fisted cookie chomping, and … Christmas crochet!

A couple of years ago, I crocheted a very festive Santa hat (being worn today by Teddy).

crocheted elvesLast year, I crocheted a row of little Christmas elves for my fireplace mantel.

wearing his new xmas tree hat4Of course, this year, Otis was the unwilling target of my crochet hook, with a lovely crocheted Christmas tree hat (see post below). And for myself, I crocheted a cute Candy Cane Clutch for my tablet—t’was quick and easy to make. You’ll find the pattern below, in case you’d like to whip one up for yourself.

Candy
Cane Clutchbag_clutch jingle bells3

Materials: worsted weight yarn, one ball in red, one ball in white;
5 mm crochet hook.

Starting with red, chain (ch) 41 (39 + 2).

Row 1: Work 2 single crochet (sc) in second ch from hook; *sc in each of next 5 spaces (sps); skip (sk) 2 sps; sc in next 5 sps; sc in next 3 sps; repeat from * across to last sp; 2 sc in last sp; turn.

Row 2: Ch 1; 2 sc in first sc; *sc in each of next 5 sc; sk 2 sc;
sc in each of next 5 sc; sc in each of next 3 sc;
repeat from * across to last sc; 2 sc in last sc; turn.

Repeat Row 2 once more, then fasten off and switch to white.

bag_clutch jingle bells2Continue pattern by repeating Row 2, switching colours after every 3 rows with red, after every 2 rows with white. Crochet to desired length (I made mine long enough to fit my tablet.)

Crochet a border of red sc around the entire piece to finish the edges, then fold piece and whipstitch either side to seam, leaving enough of the top to fold over for closing. (See photos.)

Crochet a little loop on each of the three closing points, then sew jingle bells instead of buttons for the loops to fasten ovebag_clutch jingle bells1r.

Voila! This season, you’ll go everywhere with bells on! 🙂

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The Cat in the Christmas Tree Hat (is not a very happy cat)

If you’re a knit- or crochet-a-holic and you share an abode with a cat, you may have discovered that your cat delights in watching you work your magic with your needles/hook and yarn.

xmas tree hat for catBut if your cat is like my Otis—strongly averse to being dressed in tiny outfits with matching accessories—certain needlework projects have the capacity to make his back arch, his fur stand on end, and cause a mighty scrambling of paws as … away he flies like the down on a thistle.

And what sort of project would prompt that kind of reaction?

wearing his new xmas tree hat5

Giving me a dirty look.

If you guessed a cat hat, you’re absolutely right!

So now guess what I made for Otis.

I discovered the most adorable crochet pattern for a tiny tabletop Christmas tree at a really cool crochet and craft site called Pops de Milk. But instead of using it as an ornament, I imagined instead how festive it would look on top of Otis’s bare little head. 🙂

wearing his new xmas tree hat4

If cats could swear…

You can find the SO easy-to-make pattern at this link: http://popsdemilk.com/crochet-christmas-tree-buttons-2/) I used emerald-green worsted weight yarn and a 4 mm hook, and left it hollow instead of crocheting a base. I finished the bottom edge with one round of single-crochet in red yarn, then chained a strap just long enough to fit under his chin and button up on the other side to keep the hat from falling off. (Until it’s been stubbornly shaken off, that is.)

Then after digging through my cupboard of notions for some buttons and a string of tiny decorative Christmas lights, I sewed everything onto the tree. The entire project was completed in an evening.

Otis was only very briefly willing to model his new Christmas Tree hat, and I had to pay him afterward with treats. Monkey is now the new owner.

wearing his new xmas tree hat3wearing his new xmas tree hat1xmas tree hat on monkey

A Redneck Christmas Poem

I’ve been negligent with my posts in recent weeks. I was in Cuba with my daughter for a week, and we spent some wonderful, quality time together. I’ll post some pictures in a future post. Work has been busy. Life has been busy. It’s a busy time of year, yada yada.

With all this busyness consuming my life, my brain has been going through a dry spell with any creative writing too. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I moderate a community writers’ group that meets the first Wednesday of every month, and we’re expected to bring something to read aloud at meetings. Of course I had nothing prepared for our December meeting.

To make a long story short, I wanted to write a quick poem during my lunch hour and hadn’t been able to think of anything to write about all morning, when suddenly, an image of a redneck who’s pissed off Santa popped into my mind (only God would know why…and maybe a psychiatrist). You can read the result of my brain fart below.

Mullet_redneckA Redneck Christmas Poem

Santa don’t come down
muh chimney no more,
He don’t even come through
a window or door.

No more presents for me,
‘cuz I think he bin told,
‘bout the six-pack-o Bud
an’ the smokes I done stole.

An’ how I drunk moonshine
straight from the still;
Spent two days in a whorehouse, smashed to the gills.

Borrowed Clyde Dooley’s truck to cross the town border,
An’ pick up the ten pounds of weed I done ordered.

Hid the weed in Clyde’s barn, where I thought I could trust it,
Sheriff got wind, an’ poor Clyde, he got busted.

Next day, I beat a ho with a hickory switch,
‘cause she gave me somethin’ that made muh balls itch.

Dancin’ and scratchin’, I dug out muh 12-gauge,
An’ blew more than a gasket in muh boy-gone-wild rage.

Now, there’s a mess of buckshot in the whorehouse walls,
An’ no more glass windows in the ol’ town hall.

Sheriff’s car? Well it done look like swiss cheese,
spoutin’ with fountains of green anti-freeze.

Needless to say, it weren’t a good year,
I don’t give a damn ‘bout no peace an’ good cheer.

Christmas ain’t comin’ for me anytime soon,
Just the sheriff and his jailhouse posse o’ goons.

There ain’t no frickin chimneys in the county jail,
for Santa to come down and pay for my bail.

Feel free to come knockin’, ‘cause my trailer ain’t be rockin’,
I know I’m getting’ coal instead’a crack in muh stockin’.

‘fraid I won’t be gittin’ no presents no mo’,
No mo’ boobies and butt under the mistletoe.

Yep—Santa—he don’t love me no mo’.
‘cause this year, I bin a baaaad, baaaad bo’.

 

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