Random shit that pops into my mind for no good reason while I’m doing my daily exercise walk

“I think the problem with ISIS is that they’ve never learned how to chill out. Think how beneficial it would be if we shipped an army of yoga instructors over to their training camps in Afghanistan. I mean, why not?—They’re already wearing loose clothing, and their prayer position is almost identical to a yoga pose—why not just continue with some Downward Dogs and Warrior (excuse the pun) poses too?And while we’re at it, instead of fighter jets, the Western world could send over fleets of crop dusters loaded with weed. They could fly over the training camps and douse everyone in clouds of smoke. How much happier would our world be if all that rage and drive for vengeance was replaced with giggling fits and cravings for Doritos!”

 

Your luggage will stand out from the rest with these pretty crocheted flowers!

I made these cute flowers to attach to my luggage to make it more identifiable on the airport carousel. You could probably also use them as key rings, attach them to sneakers or jacket buttons, etc. Whatever your intentions, you’ll enjoy making them! They’re quick to make, and a good project for beginners.I found this great pattern for Travel Blooms at the wonderful Fiber Flux blog: http://www.fiberfluxblog.com/2013/06/free-crochet-patterntravel-blooms.html

To make mine, I used Bernat Handicrafter cotton in different colours, then sewed a little pearl in the center to embellish.

Random shit that pops into my mind for no good reason while I’m doing my daily exercise walk


“I’m looking up at the beautiful expanse of blue sky above me as I walk, and I’m thinking how amazing it is that it’s exactly the same sky that I played under when I was a little girl. The same sky that I gazed up at to watch clouds drift by on a summer day. The same sky that blazed with sunshine on my wedding day. The same sky that sent down a gentle dusting of snowflakes on the day that my daughter was born. The same sky that’s been above me for as long as I’ve existed on earth. And for infinite years before me. The same sky that dinosaurs and Neanderthals roamed beneath.

Will that same sky be there for future generations to appreciate? I can only pray.

As long as men like Kim Jong Ugh, Vladimir PU-tin, Donald Grump, et al., exist—
men who delight in their power to make things go boom—who knows?

For now, I am looking up at that blue, blue sky, and I’m so happy that it’s still there.”

My little dolly is tutu cute!

I was playing with the versatile Bernat Handicrafter cotton yarn and made this little doll, just because.

I didn’t write out the pattern as I went along, but if you can crochet in simple rounds, then you can make her too. She doesn’t have to be perfect—experiment and make her any size you like.

Materials:
• Bernat Handicrafter cotton in hot pink, orange and yellow (or any choice of colours)
• 3.75 mm crochet hook
• Yarn needle for sewing
• Scrap yellow yarn for the hair
• Fiberfill stuffing
Optional: scrap of fabric netting to make the tutu

Instructions:

Head: Using yellow cotton, ch 4 and make a ring;

Round 1: 4 sc in ring (use a marker and crochet in continuous rounds)

Round 2: 2 sc in each sc around (8 sc)

Round 3: 2 sc in first sc, sc in each of next 2 sc,
*2 sc in next, sc in next 2; rep * around

Round 4: 2 sc in first sc, sc in each of next 3 sc,
*2 sc in next, sc in next 3; rep * around

Rounds 5 & 6: sc in each sc around

Round 7: start decreasing rounds: *sc dec in first 2 sc, sc in next sc,
rep * around. Stuff head as much as you can, then continue rounds.

Rounds 8-10: Keep decreasing around until you can slip stitch opening closed. When you fasten off, leave a long tail for sewing head to the body.

Body: Start out same as the head, but increase more and add more rows of sc to make bigger and fatter. I did half the body in hot pink and the other half in orange.

Legs: I used yellow for the first few rounds, then variegated pink and orange for the rest of the legs. Start out same as the head, just make sure to only increase in the first couple of rounds so you’ll make tube shapes instead of ball shapes, add more even rounds of sc to make the shape longer, and then start decreasing when the legs are long enough. When you fasten off, leave a long enough tail on each leg to sew to the body.

Arms: Same as the legs, just shorter. I made half the arm orange, the other half pink.

Use yarn needle and yarn tail to sew arms, legs and head onto body.

Hair: Using the yellow scrap yarn, I cut many lengths of about 5”. Then I started at the top of the head and, using the yarn needle, pulled a piece of yarn through and around one sc, made them even, then tied a knot around the sc. I did that with each piece of yarn until I’d covered the top and most of the back of the head. I cut shorter pieces and did the same process at the front to make bangs. Then I pulled through about 6 pieces at the top and tied a piece of pink yarn around them to make a little ponytail that sticks up. Once finished, I trimmed the “hair” so the back would be relatively even. But I didn’t expect it to be perfect, so the hair is a little choppy in areas. She’s perfectly cute even if she isn’t perfect!

Face: I used size 3 crochet cotton thread in dark grey and red. First, I used the grey to make two French knots for eyes (wound it around the needle a good three times so the eyes would be prominent). Then I used the red to stitch on her mouth.

Optional tutu: I was impatient to finish her off at this point, so I didn’t sew this as neatly as I should have. Anyway, I just cut a piece of fabric netting a bit larger than the width of her tummy. Then I folded over the top about a quarter inch and stitched it down with a needle and thread so that it left a pocket along the top that I could run a piece of yarn through. I also roughly seamed together the back ends. Then I used my yarn needle to run the yarn around the top, pulled the tutu up to her waist, and tied the yarn in a bow, which made the tutu gather at the waist.

Hope these instructions are clear enough. As I said earlier, if you can crochet in rounds, then you won’t have any problems making this doll.

Happy Easter!

 

I made an Easter egg tree with a crocheted egg pattern and branches from the garden.

Here’s how:

Picked up a glass vase from the dollar store and thought I’d glam it up with some stripes. All you need is some masking tape and spray paint. I used the masking tape to make stripes, then spray painted over it. Once dry, I peeled off the masking tape and was left with a really cute vase.Spray painted some branches the same colour as the vase.

Filled the vase with some Arborio rice that had been sitting at the back of my cupboard for the past two years, then set the branches in it.
Used Bernat Handicrafter yarn in different colours to crochet some easter eggs. Here’s a great free pattern at the wonderful Petals To Picots blog:

https://www.petalstopicots.com/2012/03/crocheted-easter-eggs-pattern/
I altered the egg pattern a bit to make two spring chicks (see photos), just for fun. I pasted google eyes on them and cut beaks from some orange felt.
I attached thin ribbon to all the eggs and chicks, then tied them onto the branches. And there you have it. An Easter egg tree to brighten up the holiday weekend!

Otis is very curious!

 

Random shit that pops into my mind for no good reason while I’m doing my daily exercise walk

Every day, I go for my exercise walk outside, rain or shine. I put on my headphones, listen to great music, and walk to the beat. I’ve found that I brainstorm some of my best ideas for new projects or stories while I’m walking.

I’ve also found that some really crazy-ass, random thoughts will pop into my mind for no good reason, and I’ve started writing them down, just for fun.

Every so often, I’ll share these thoughts here because… well, why not?

A sample of the random shit that pops into my mind for no good reason while I’m doing my daily exercise walk:

“What’s it like to be dead?

I know that lots of people have died and been revived, then gushed about how beautiful death is and how sad they were to have to come back to life on earth.

But how about all the ones who didn’t come back? Is it possible that, during their journey through the tunnel, they kicked and screamed and told God to go find some other sucker? Might they have been screaming things like, “Blimey! Why didn’t I just eat that effing piece of cheesecake the other night! Like it matters up here what my ass looks like!” or
“It bloody well figures. Now I’ll never get to buy a Prada bag or Miu Miu heels! I penny pinched and plucked, and now my kid will be livin’ large—thanks to el cheapo!” or
“Shit! Did I turn off the stove this morning?”

And then again—just in case the powers that be are reading my mind right now—I take it back. I don’t really want to know the answer after all. I’d like to just forget about it and put my focus back on Diana Ross & The Supremes, OK?”

Easy Crocheted Checkerboard Cowl Scarf

I was aiming for a checkerboard look with this pattern. It was pure experimentation that turned out looking better than expected, with its interesting texture. It’s as easy as crocheting 5 single crochets, then chaining 5, and alternating your 5 sc and ch-5 back and forth for the entire length of your piece, turning, and then repeating the same steps for another 4 rows (to make 5 rows). Then you simply reverse the process over the next 5 rows by starting with ch-5 followed by 5 sc and continuing across the length of your piece. Switching back and forth for 5 rows gives you the checkerboard effect.

You can make the piece larger by using multiples of five. It’s crocheted in one piece, with the ends later seamed together to form the cowl.

So, here we go:

CHECKERBOARD COWL SCARF

MATERIALS
Worsted weight yarn (14 oz / 400g / 867 yds / 792m) one ball Burgundy
6.5 mm crochet hook
Yarn needle for weaving in ends

ABBREVIATIONS: sc (single crochet); sp (space); sk (skip); rep (repeat); ch-sp (chain space)

INSTRUCTIONS:
Chain (ch) 115 + 2.

Row 1: Ch 1, sc in same sp and in each ch across. (115 sc) Turn.

THE FIRST 5 ROWS

Row 2: Ch 1, sc in same sp and in each of next 4 sc, ch 5 and sk next 5 sc, *sc in next 5 sc, ch 5, sk next 5 sc, rep from * across and end row with sc in each of last 5 sc. Turn.

Row 3 to Row 5: Rep Row 2.

Row 6: Ch 6 (5 + 1 extra), sk next 4 sc, *sc in first ch-sp of ch-5 (from Row 5) and in each of the next 4 ch-sps, ch 5, sk next 5 sc, rep from * across to last remaining ch-5, sc in each of the 5 ch-sps, ch 5, sk last 4 sc and sl st in last (5th) sc to join. Turn.

Row 7 to Row 10: Ch 6, *sc in each of next 5 sc, ch 5, rep from * across, ch 5, sk last 4 sc and sl st in last (5th) sc.

Row 11: Ch 1, sc in same sp and in next 4 ch-sps, ch 5, sk 5 sc, *sc in each of next 5 ch-sps, ch 5, sk 5 sc, rep from * across and end row with sc in each of last 5 ch-sps. Turn.

Row 12 to Row 15: Ch 1, sc in same sp and in next 4 sc, ch 5, *sc in each of next 5 sc, ch 5, rep from * across to last 5 sc, sc in each of last 5 sc. Turn.

Row 16: Ch 6, sk next 4 sc, *sc in first ch-sp of ch-5 (from Row 15) and in each of the next 4 ch-sps, ch 5, sk next 5 sc, rep from * across to last remaining ch-5, sc in each of the 5 ch-sps, ch 5, sk last 4 sc and sl st in last sc to join. Turn.

Row 17 to Row 20: Ch 6, *sc in each of next 5 sc, ch 5; rep from * across, ch 5, sk last 4 sc and sl st in last (5th) sc.

Continue alternating pattern every 5 rows until your piece is desired length. Mine measured approx. 27″ wide x 10″ deep. Once finished, seam ends together by slip stitching on the wrong side. I also did a final row of sc around both top and bottom openings for a nice, clean finish. I never bothered blocking, but you may want to.

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